Determination

I've decided to "not be disabled" anymore. We know in reality that I do have MS and it is progressing silently in my brain (according tomy MRIs) and I do have limitations. I'm determined to fight as many limitations as I can since I don't want to "be in a chair full-timein approx. 5 years" which was my neurologist's prognosis over 20 months ago. Plus, I'm just tired of MS.

In meeting Eleanor Jaeger from my church and finding how delightlful she is at almost 95, I know want to be that cute and that fiesty at 95. That's 55years away - hence my determination.

My exercise program is working right now, and I am gaining strength in my core muscles. I'm so much steadier than I've been in years.However, I'm making more and more cognitive mistakes, and I still have major fatigue - I also know that my legs aren't getting as strong as my core muscles.

Because I'm determined - I'm now overdoing absolutely everything -and I'm starting to feel the overexertions. I am praying for the grace to deal with my disease and so that accept what I cannot do, while still fighting for what I can. I want to make my kids proud and I want to be able to take great grand babies for walks on my own two feet in 55 years.Please see below for my manta and you know how I feel.

-- Smile! Dance!
Fly! Dream! Believe!
Don't ever give up.

Scary Times

It seems as though we are living in scary times. The economy is tanking. Will we have a job tomorrow? Will we lose our house? Can we feed our kids? These are the days that try men's (and women's) souls.

Here are some very important things to remember.

1. The sun will come up tomorrow. If when it rains, the sun is above the clouds.
2. Dried beans do not cost much at all, are easy to fix, and are very nutritious.
3. We are stronger than we know. Yes, that is you and that is me. Stay strong, believe, do not give up.

40th Birthday!

Yesterday I celebrated my 40th birthday! I'm so grateful to be this age, to be more wise that I was even a year ago, and to have a much better sense and security in who I am - than I've ever had.

Tom was amazingly awesome when he found out that I wanted to cook and have my non-blood family (closest friends) in to eat. He cleaned for over a week! Then, he and Kenn, Lou, Myrlon, Tim and Mark all worked their hearts out to make sure the food was setup and then cleaned up. I have some pretty wonderful guys in my life!

Forgiveness

Today I am listening to a podcast from "The World of Possibilities". The topic for this episode is Finding Purpose in the Second Half of Life.

One of the issues in finding your purpose and discovering your personal destiny is forgiveness. It is very difficult to let go of the pains of your past and to send them away so that you fully live now and later, die with peace and grace.

My pastor, Steve Rettenmayer, discussed last Sunday the need to live in forgiveness.

This is a very hard subject for me as I have many many things that are mine to not forgive and I don't want to forgive! I will be discussing this as I work on this necessary task of forgiveness.

Purpose Statement...

My thoughts so far:

1. I believe in a strong work ethic.
2. I believe that we are all here to work to make the world a better place.
3. I'm scared with a blank screen/page

Making a difference

The problem that I am currently trying to solve is creating my personal mission statement. I believe that we are all tasked with making a difference in the world. I believe strongly in John Wesley's mandate:

“Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.”

Personal ?

This is a personal blog to record my thoughts, my fears and my insecurities. Most importantly, the purpose of this blog is to help me form the habit of writing.

Although I am a very good writer, I tend to compose in my head and shy away from putting my thoughts where others can read them. I would like to get away from that!